Why Warren Beatty for President
by Ginger Marin
For those not in the know, actor Warren Beatty may or may not be considering a run for the U.S. Presidency. It might be late in the game by others' standards, but Mr. Beatty in recent weeks has begun talking politics. At the very least, he should he hailed a hero for speaking out so candidly on campaign funding reform.
But, it is the opinion of this columnist that Warren Beatty should indeed run for the highest office of the land and lead this nation into the next millennium. Here's why.
Warren Beatty has already had sexual relations with nearly every desirable woman in and around Hollywood, so it is doubtful he would ever find any chubby, beret-clad assistant or intern the least bit interesting and thereby engage in unwholesome behavior in or around the Oval Office.
Warren Beatty would be able to write his own speeches since he has effectively done so the other night and has had considerable practice by co-penning last year's "Bulworth" a fantastic political satire. Thus, the cost of the speech-writer's job could be eliminated and used to lower the national debt.
Warren Beatty would not have to curry favor in Hollywood by seeking the support of the big money ultra liberals. He already has their support and is wealthy enough to fund his own campaign. Although it must be said, the media would follow him even if the furthest he went was to the nearest men's room. Hollywood bigwigs wouldn't have to be invited to White House parties, they would most likely crash the parties because two of the town's biggest names - Beatty and Bening - would already be there.
Warren Beatty has an extremely talented, attractive wife in Annette Bening and she already knows her way around the White House by virtue of having starred in the film "An American President". By the same token she knows all there is to know about dirty campaign politics and how to conduct herself at White House parties.
Warren Beatty knows what it's like to be a communist, a football player, a rich man, a screw-up, and any other number of personalities that would help him to understand the needs and desires of the common man.
Is there any other candidate out there who has had the kind of experiences that Warren Beatty has had?